In my attempts to change the world I am sometimes a little bit over zealous in my ‘yes’ saying. Only sometimes though. I’m never quick to ‘yes’ when it comes to parties or camping or babysitting or marathons. But if it’s something that puts me in a position of authority/power/influence then I can’t help myself.
At the end of last year I nominated myself to be the Quality Assurance Coordinator on the Kinder Committee before my 4 year old had even had a single day of Kindergarten. And now I also find myself as the session rep for playgroup even though what I actually wanted to do was quit the group. Now I’m having sleepless nights because my little brain ticks over and worries about the details of pulling it all off without making a complete dick of myself.
I’m a huge believer in sustainability of sanity and lifestyle balance. I absolutely must have time in my life to stop and smell the roses (or at least, watch Masterchef) or I turn into a nut case. And yet I have dreams and abilities that I want to use and wow the world with. How do I do ambitious and mellow at the same time? It’s not a simple matter of trying to overcome laziness. Nor is it a matter of just getting more organized. It’s probably more about perspective. I think being able to step outside of myself more and be a little less emotional and internal about things is the key. At the risk of sounding weird, I find if I kind of move myself slightly out of my body, I feel like a slightly different person. It almost feels like when you lift your eyes from focusing on the computer screen to look up and out the window or at something on the far wall. As I lift myself slightly away from my knotted gut, my busy brain, my tight chest, I rediscover my capacity to cope. I remember I do have a few spare hours a term for the brief processing of playgroup fees and that in fact playgroup is a fantastic way of connecting with new people and helping others connect. I remember that I’m not alone on the kinder committee and that it’s actually fun and satisfying to be able to contribute to the life of such a terrific community organisation.
Now if only someone would teach my simpleton cat to let itself in and out of the house I might actually get some sleep.
4 comments:
Such a pull this one. The pull between sanity & contentment and achievement & stretching oneself.
I am LOVING your posts Kate - you are such a great writer. Honest & eloquent.
Ah Kate, I read your posts and sometimes I think, "Yeah, I get that". :) Doing/ Being... Enough and sometimes not enough... so many tensions.
I would have to agree with Frog, Goose and Bear - so eloquent and honest. I am looking at all this from grandmotherhood and enjoying it so much that I am recommending your blog to my friends!! - your age and mine!
Thank you so much ladies for your comments. My suspicions that my experiences and feelings are not unique to me are being confirmed. Thanks for being my professional "audience" and for participating in my performance review :-)
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