Thursday, November 25, 2010

Un-fulfilling Prophecy

Well. Shame. It would seem that my darker side has taken hold and my fears have been realised. It has been some time since my last post. I seem to have let my life unravel in the last few months. I could interpret my lack of posting as laziness but thinking about it now, I realise it is more about survival. When my Control-O-Meter reaches 80% out of control, it sends me into survival mode. As well as becoming unbearable gloomy and grumpy, I become uncreative, addicted, self-loathing, fatter, scruffier, and unforgiving (of myself). When you think about it, sounds more like self-destruction than survival!

I won't bore you with the details of my steady decline but for the sake of honesty, it involves a mish-mash of lack of exercise, the terrible-twos, viruses, the AFL finals, seasonal triggered memories of grief, the end of my structured church community, a restrained but right financial advisor, a kindergarten AGM, and hmmmm what else.... a lack of chocolate maybe.

I'm probably not in as bad a place as I sound. In fact, the fact that I am blogging today indicates perhaps I'm already turning or about to turn a corner. I'll let you know what's there.