It’s over 5 years now since I conceived my first child. Since then, my world has changed unbelievably from what it was before. I have changed. The way I think has changed. Who I am in the world and how I am treated has changed. When you become pregnant, and even before for those women who take a while to get pregnant, you are suddenly a dumping ground for everybody else’s regrets, memories, insecurities, failures and successes. I realise even as I type that this sounds very negative. I love being a mum. I love the intensity and the heights and depths to which it sends you. But I wasn’t prepared for the ‘information onslaught’. I didn't know just how dumb I supposedly now was. I wasn’t prepared for the dos and don’ts and the associated pressures that came with trying to do it all the 'right way'.
I didn’t know much about babies and all that. I don’t think many women do. We don’t live in villages and crowded extended family homes in Australia, generally. Women don’t really get to observe and learn from their elders; a product of our modern, nuclear family model of society blah blah heard it all before. It’s true though. There is a gaping hole in the modern women's impressive set of competencies. When she enters baby land for the first time, she expects the smell of Johnson’s baby powder and booties and she laughs nervously at the mention of dirty nappies and sleep deprivation. She pretty much knows it's going to be tough but she figures she'll work it out as she goes. When the baby is born, she is excited to discover that google contains ALL the answers and that mother’s groups are not so bad (as long as her child is the best).
Anyway, the irony is that our well meaning society (the welfare, health prevention, maternal and child health sectors, the internet, and even supermarkets) is so concerned for the undervalued, overworked mum and the poor children of these mums, that is has decided to help. By telling us stuff. And more stuff. For example...
- do not eat brie or drink wine when you are pregnant
- keep exercising when you are pregnant and don’t get too fat
- get plenty of rest
- breastfeed at all cost
- don't breastfeed too long
- have a caesar
- have a natural(!) birth
- don't forget to do pelvic floor exercises
- don’t let your kids watch too much tv
- feed your kids wholesome, organic food
- train your child to sleep
- use/don’t use controlled crying
- take your child to swimming classes
- put your child on the waiting list
- put your child on another waiting list
I tell you, all mothers reading this could add 10 more things to the list I’m sure. It has gotten to the stage where I won’t read parenting magazines or even the local council newsletter. I have to keep my eyes straight ahead as I walk from the toy library past the children's services offices and their towering, tottering walls of brochures, advertising and information sheets. I break into a sweat when I have to review a new or updated kindergarten or family day care policy. It would seem that someone has decided that the most educated generation of women has no common sense! It would seem we are a hazard to our own children!
It’s like they think we don’t know what we are doing!!!! Just SHUT UP and give me some time to think! Please.
You know what I think the government and local councils should spend their billions on? I want someone who can come over, have a cup of tea, play fairies with the girls/ batman with the boys, and just listen to me complain, question, celebrate, without any fear of judgement. If they were nice enough to me, I’d even take their advice.
