At the start and the end of every day I am disappointed. I’m disappointed that I ate too many biscuits, too many toasted cheese sandwiches, too many kids left over toasted cheese sandwiches and too much pasta. I’m disappointed that that bulge around my hips and waist is still keeping me company. I am currently the heaviest I have ever been (maybe even during pregnancy!) and I am not enjoying it. I recently went to the gym for 12 months. This was a real achievement for me as I had never even set foot in one before, literally. I really enjoyed it, I developed muscles and I felt good. It helped my physical and mental health beyond measure. But I stopped going a couple of months ago.
Put all those pieces together and the answer seems obvious. I’m an idiot. What is going on??? Why is it soooo hard to do the “right thing”? Am I lazy? Do I harbor some deep rooted need to sabotage myself and fail? Am I such a self-sacrificing mother that I put everyone else first and myself last? (not likely).
I suspect I am not alone in this battle which is why I’m airing my vulnerabilities and failings on this blog. Maybe my ponderings may help someone else, and maybe someone might have some suggestions for me. Although I warn you, I am NOT good at taking advice!